Week 9

Marci told me when she interviewed me for my slot in the 90-Day program that the mind transformation of the program would be more significant than the physical, assuming of course that I paid attention and did the homework. The physical changes are easy to observe and measure - I have lost pounds and inches and my newer clothes don't fit while my older clothes (those I bought 15 years ago) do. I also am definitely stronger and, to my astonishment, can run fast and even jump.

Mind changes, on the other hand, are more subjective. And like the physical changes, they may not be permanent.

All that said, I have noticed significant changes of mind or, if you will, spirit. Years ago a wise man asked me if I was at peace. I replied that I was not. He then told me to do what I needed to do to find peace. My first thought was, "Please tell me how to do that." But he didn't. He left that to me.

I spent years with a knot in my stomach. I talked to a counselor who certainly has been interesting and empathetic. After a year or more of counseling she recommended a pill to help dissolve the knot. Peace, however, whether internal or external, doesn't really come from a pill or a bottle. Though pharmaceuticals can help, real peace requires work and change, and the nature of the world is such that, even when we think peace has been restored, things happen that we cannot control to disturb our peace.

That said, I believe we can quiet the rumblings, or at least learn to live in a way that doesn't cause ourselves to suffer pain unnecessarily.

I have told Tauni more than once since this program began that this has been the happiest time of my life. I talked to Parky after my mid-term interview with Marci. I asked him how I appear to the world. He told me I appear to be at peace.

This has been a blessed week. I have been struggling internally with some work issues for a long time. That struggle has adversely affected my relationships with good people I work with. I sat down with Tauni Tuesday morning and told her of my concerns and outlined some alternatives. This, by itself, was a breakthrough. She advised that I talk to the firm to try to resolve the issues. I followed her advice and the response has been very positive, if not overwhelming. Kind words have flowed back to me that I did not expect.

I mentioned to Tauni that I think I have been more up front about things. She agreed, and said that my failure to do so in the past (which pretty much includes our entire marriage) has caused me to behave badly. It's hard to dispute her comment. Certainly my failure to discuss matters where I perceived the possibility of conflict has brought me turmoil internally and that turmoil has affected my relationships with family, friends and co-workers.

So, is Marci right? Is the mind transformation more significant than the physical. Time will tell but for now there is no question that the mental part is going well. I am, finally, at peace and hope it can remain.