Erin appears somewhat stern, barking directions in what I imagine might have been the manner of an East German coach before what the Germans call the "Wendung," (the reunification of East and West Germany). She appears to move through exercises effortlessly with a dancer's flexibility and grace.
Kristin is a natural athlete. She moves with the efficiency of a world-class distance runner, and does so while offering us warm-haerted encouragement. She had been training for the Top of Utah Marathon and it has been fun for me to track her progress and offer encouragement.
Both Erin and Kristin have such obvious athletic gifts it is hard to imagine that any of us could attain their fitness level. On the other hand, when Marci works out, she is everyman (or everywoman). She exhorts and shouts encouragement, while at the same time showing strain and intense exertion as she exercises. She seems to be taking pleasure in the pain of pushing her muscles to level 10, their limits, and in so doing tells me she is one with us in pushing through what we incorrectly assume to be our physical barriers. I was pleasantly surprised at how much her appearance motivated me.
In San Diego, I spent most of the day with one of our fire victim clients, but also arranged to meet Van Tengberg, father of Mari's soon-to-be fiance, for lunch. We had a slight hiccup, as he assumed I would be downtown and I assumed he would be at his Del Mar office. He graciously agreed to meet me at a restaurant in the Del Mar Marriott a bit later than we had planned.
Van was extraordinarily kind and generous, complementary of Mari and appreciative of any help we have provided to Blake. He made a point of showing me an email Blake had written his constitutional law professor who had harshly criticized Mormons, after singling out the Mormons in class, for the Church's advocacy of Proposition 8 and hateful conduct toward gays generally. In the email, Blake stated that Mormons do not hate gays, but consider marriage between a man and woman fundamental for sacred, and for that reason opposed Proposition 8. His professor replied with an almost contrite response, and ultimately gave Blake an A in the class. Van wanted me to know of Blake's character, of which I already had a pretty clear picture.
At the conclusion of lunch Van asked if I had a place to stay for the night. I had a reservation at the Marriott but nonetheless sheepishly accepted his invitation to spend the night in their guest house. I didn't want Van to feel any need to provide accommodations for me, but on the other hand was anxious to spend a bit more time getting to know him and his wife, Sharon, whose family I expected Mari would soon join.
Mari and Brandt had already stayed at their house for a weekend, and Brandt told us it was like the O.C., the late prime time soap opera. The pool house, where I stayed, could in fact be favorably compared to a room in a five star hotel. Van's legal specialty is golf course development, and his love of golf is evident through the pool house, which was replete with golf statuary and books.
After settling in, I returned to the main house where I chatted with Van and Sharon for a couple hours. Youngest son Brady appeared during our visit, shirtless and sweaty from a run. He disappeared and then reappeared to announce his disgust with the Chargers' inability to move the ball on a critical drive inside the opponent's 10-yard line, which I totally get, though I try really hard to avoid caring enough about any football team to get very wound up about whether or not they can move the ball in- or outside the 10-yard line, generally not succeeding in that effort.
What I remember most from the evening with Van and Sharon is their almost tangibly evident love and concern for Blake. Last year was tough for him, recovering from a broken engagement and struggling to do well his first year of law school while living at home and feeling quite lonely. They expressed great fondness for Mari and thanked me more than once for raising her. For me, the experience of hearing and observing their expressions of intense love and concern passed beyond mere emotion into the spiritual realm.
Two days later Blake called Tauni and asked if he could arrange a time on Thursday to meet us briefly. We agreed to meet him late Thursday afternoon in my office. He told us he deeply loves Mari. He told of his plans to ask her to marry him the next day. He said he would always protect and care for her. We shared our own feelings. Again, the experience was very spiritual for me and left me with feelings of joy and contentment.
The next day he took Mari to the Tree Room at Sundance for dinner, and then drove her to an open area on the Alpine Loop, which is ablaze with fall color. His sister, Shardae, was waiting in the weeds with still and video cameras, to record the entire event.
And here is the proposal:
Mari called us immediately afterward, the beginning of an evening of notifying friends and relatives of the engagement. I don't know that I have ever seen a couple quite so smitten or that seemed so well suited for each other. Quite a contrast to my proposal, where the words, "will you marry me?" spilled out of my mouth without premeditation and afterward I was uncertain whether I had done the right thing. Fortunately, it has turned out right for me, and I have great expectations for Mari and Blake.
Otherwise, the week ended with five hard workouts, including a 5-mile run-walk in the Tengberg's neighborhood in Poway. Strange that Mari should find a boy from north San Diego County, where in my professional life I have spent most of my time the past three years trying to help people recover for the devastating losses they suffered in the 2007 San Diego wildfires. At the top of a hill near the Tengberg's house I could see out over the valley to the north where the effects of the fires remain evident. Most vegetation has not come back, and the hills near Poway look like moonscapes. Sharon told me they had prepared to take in refuges from Ramona. Then at 4AM one morning they received a reverse 911 call advising them to evacuate immediately. They managed to gather a few of their cherished possessions and left, expecting their house to be burned to the ground when they returned. Their house was spared; many others in their neighborhood were not so fortunate.
The Poway run was my first effort to test whether my injured right knee and hip could handle a distance longer than a few hundred yards. The jury is still out on that question. Both hip and knee were very sore the rest of the day, but felt much better in the morning. At the moment my inclination is to simply gut my way through the Ragnar Tennessee, even if running can't be part of my regular routine. Tauni is worried that doing so might cause injury that could undo all my hard work. That worry is not lost on me, but at the moment I think I can do it.
Friday morning Marci connected with me by telephone for personal one-on-one coaching. She commented that her observation of my energy is that I am am oracle or a healer. I have no idea what either of those mean, but both sound good. She probed for quite awhile about whether I maintain distance because I am confident or because I am reluctant to approach people. I thought perhaps a bit of both but more because I make a plan and then am quite focused on working through it. She managed to get me to admit that I tend to grade myself harshly, which can lead to the conclusion that I am not good enough and perhaps have a fear of failure. I told her that one of our family values is that it matters more who you are than what you are. We value authenticity. Marci finally asked how I am doing with affirmations. I told her that what I have are few and simple because they need to be something I can believe in and practice. For example, "I am an athlete." She encouraged me to spend more time on internal representations and change them to affirmations. On the one hand, this all makes me think of the obnoxious cousin in the movie "Barcelona," who is reciting the affirmation, "on every day and in every way I am becoming a better Lieutenant Junior Grade," when he is shot. On the other hand, I firmly believe the proverb that what I man thinketh in his heart, so is he. And so it is that Marci is really trying to cause us to put into practice the wisdom of the ages. I am forming and putting into practice my own affirmations, e.g., I will be an influence for good, I am at peace, I am thankful for all the goodness in my life, I will give my best in all that I undertake, I will show unconditional love, and last but not least, I am an athlete.
Last on this post, Monday evening, before heading to the Tengberg's house, I had dinner with Dave Alberga, CEO of Active and a good friend of Dan's. He wanted to meet me, evidently, mainly to learn about our Tanzania housing project because of his interest in economic development in Africa. I told him our story and am eager to introduce him to Wil. We also discussed the state of Ragnar. He was extremely complementary of Dan, acknowledging his talent but more importantly emphasizing Dan's good heart. Dave is obviously highly intelligent and also enthusiastic and charismatic. Later in the week I invited him to join us in Africa in December. He declined due to schedule, but said he would love to go. Maybe someday. He would be a good person to be part of our team. I feel fortunate that I continue to meet people who are making a difference for good in my life.
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